Friday, May 25, 2018

Andy Rooney's "Learnings"

Written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words. Rooney has passed away but used to be on CBS's 60 Minutes TV show.

I've learned....
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned....
That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned ....
That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned....
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned....
That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned....
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned....
That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in any other way.

I've learned....
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned....
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned....
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper.  The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned....
That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned....
That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned...
That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned....
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned....
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned....
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned....
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am

I've learned....
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned....
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned....
That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned....
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned....
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned....
That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away..

I've learned....
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.....
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.


I've learned.....
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you're hooked for life.

I've learned....
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned....
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.


Contributed by Jim Smith

Monday, April 2, 2018

POWERPOINT!

Have you ever seen a PowerPoint presentation that was SOOO GOOD, you couldn't take your eyes from it?

On the other hand, have you ever seen one which you couldn't get your eyes open again?

Check some of these out. And if you need help with YOUR POWERPOINT, checkout my PowerPoint Presentations Blog.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this one! Apparently it was done for an English class. I think an A+ would be in order!

The Ballad of PowerPoint [LIKE IT FULL SCREEN?]

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[NOTE: Like humour or humor? Would you like to contribute the CLEAN, FAMILY-FRIENDLY JOKES that you get in your email and become FAMOUS ALL OVER THE WORLD? If so contact me and apply for the HUMOUR REP JOB. Pay is fame and fun!]

Revenue Canada

At the end of the tax year, Revenue Canada sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said
“I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do  you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any  use?"

"Good  question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them back to the  bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."

"Oh,"  replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

 “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

 "Ah, yes," replied the executive, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We  save it and
send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all executive.
"Well, What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"

" Here, too, we do not waste," answered the executive. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.*


*Apologies to anyone we may have offended by our language above.

Sunday, April 1, 2018

New Dictionary Definitions


Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.

Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.