Punography

Punography!!!

[NO! This is not a mis-spelling!]

I do not enjoy computer jokes . Not one bit .

I changed my iPod name to Titanic . It's syncing now .

When chemists die, they barium .

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met her-bivore . 

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.

 A dyslexic man walks into a bra .........

PMS jokes aren't funny, period . [or NO period?]

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .

Energizer battery arrested . Charged with battery . I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .

How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !

Did you hear about the cross- eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection , urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it's hungry ? It  goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are pointless .

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus .

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on .

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .

Velcro - what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy . Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault .

I used t think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure .

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too .

-Contributed by H. Clarke