Wednesday, January 26, 2011

TOP TEN REASONS TO ASK YOUR BOSS FOR A RAISE

TOP TEN REASONS TO ASK YOUR BOSS FOR A RAISE


10. You take your paycheck to the bank and the teller bursts out in hysterical laughter.


9. The Red Cross calls and offers you emergency assistance.


8. Your only charge cards are for the Salvation Army, ARC, and DAV thrift stores.


7. You work full time and you still qualify for food stamps.


6. You empty out your piggy bank and then cook the bank and serve it for your Easter ham.


5. All you can think about morning, noon and night is clipping grocery coupons.


4. You file your income taxes and the IRS returns them stamped, "Charity Case -- Return To Sender."


3. You set the world record for mailing $1.00 rebate requests to Young America, Minnesota.


2. You pay all your bills, put your remaining $1 bill into your billfold and it goes into shock.


1. You get arrested for taking the coins out of the fountain in the mall.
[author unknown]

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Puns for Educated Minds

Puns for Educated Minds 
  
  
    1.  The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

 
   2.  I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical  Aleutian.

 
   3.  She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

 
   4.  A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 
   5.  No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 
  6.  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

 
  7.  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 
  8. Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

 
  9.  A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking into it.

 
  10. Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

 
  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 
  12.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

 
  13.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.

 
  14.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

 
  15.  The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 
 16.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 
 17.  A backward poet writes inverse.

 
 18.  In a democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your Count that votes.

 
19.  When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 
20.  If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in-Seine.

 
 21.  A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

 
22.  Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

 
 23.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 
24.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?'  The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

 
 25.  Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  His goal:  transcend dental medication.

 
 26.  There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.

Monday, January 10, 2011

01.10: A STC Funny

Mikey's Funnies is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and hosting with a ministry heart:
http://www.agathongroup.com/

fromMIKEY==============================
HAPPY NEW 2011!!

After a wonderful break, we are baaaaaack! Did you miss us? -sniff-
We had a spectacular visit with sick and injured Marine recruits on Christmas morning. We had more letters to deliver to them than maybe ever. Thanks to each and every person and organization that helped us. It was SO worth it. These guys were touched by everyone's support and love.
We've posted photos and a video of the visit, in case you want to show the children who participated:
http://uneeknet.com/mcrd/christmas/2010/

We'll be doing our annual Easter visit as well, so I'll send info out in a month or so.
Mikey
today'sFUNNY===========================

STC (Senior Texting Codes)
Since more and more seniors citizens are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for senior discounts, these are the codes for you:
ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing...Can't Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

Feel free to add any codes you feel are missing; send the additions back to the person who sent you this so they can update their list:
GGLKI: Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
[forwarded by Steve Sanderson]
today'sTHOT============================
I told my family I never want to depend on a machine and fluids to keep me alive...that's when they took away my computer and coffee maker!
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com

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Robin Williams - The Flag

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PowerPoint Comedy - PhD

Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.

Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.

PowerPoint Comedy 1

How Not To Use PowerPoint

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Some Funny Videos - Like PowerPoint?

Have you ever seen a PowerPoint presentation that was SOOO GOOD, you couldn't take your eyes from it?

On the other hand, have you ever seen one which you couldn't get your eyes open again?

Check some of these out. And if you need help with YOUR POWERPOINT, checkout my PowerPoint Presentations Blog.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this one! Apparently it was done for an English class. I think an A+ would be in order!

The Ballad of PowerPoint [LIKE IT FULL SCREEN?]





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