Monday, August 17, 2009

Crazy Questions

* What is the difference between a novel and a book?
* How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
* If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
* If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
* If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
* If humans evolved from monkeys and/or apes, why are they still here?
* Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? If they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
* Do penguins have knees?
* Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
* How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
* Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
* Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
* Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?
* If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
* Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
* If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
* If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
* Do they call a fortune teller who can't see a "blind seer"?
* Can you cry underwater?
* You know the signs on restaurant doors -- No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? What if someone goes in with no pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
* If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
* Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
* If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
* Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
* Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
* If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
* If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
* Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
* Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
* How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
* If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
* When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
* Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
* How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
* Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
* Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
* Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?
* Why are red buttons always the most important?
* How is chess considered a sport?
* Why is it when your sleeping it's called drool but when your awake its called spit?
* If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?
* Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
* How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
* Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
* If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?
* If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
* Could you be a closet claustrophobic?
* Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
* If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?
* Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
* Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?
* What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?
* Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
* Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
* Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
* Can you slam a revolving door?
* What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
* Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
* If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
* What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
* Can you read a picture book?
* Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?
* Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
* Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
* If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
* What shape is the sky?
* Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
* If you only have one eye... are you blinking or winking?
* If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
* What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?
* Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China is not a republic?

[author unknown]

Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.

Technology Geezers Can Understand. Get out that MAGNIFYING GLASS. This is as big as I could get it.